this is a small song about toad doctors, actual medical practitioners from victorian times who would supposedly heal people with toads in bags. anyways enjoy

lyrics:

Ladies and gentlemen

Boys and girls

Me and my associates

Are about to change the world

We’ve got a new idea

A modern panacea

Say goodbye to medicine

Amphibians are in, let’s go!

Hey! Toad doctors

We are the toad doctors

Good to be toad doctors

You will see toad doctors

Set you free

If you’re neck and neck with death

About to take that final breath

Just make a call, we’re on the ball

We’re on the way, and we won’t stall

We’ll take a romp and hit the road

By the swamp, just grab a toad

Then hold ‘em close and tie ‘em round your neck

Then wait a sec

And if you die, that’s too bad

We’ll bury you and tell your dad

But if you keep your head

Don’t thank us, thank the toads instead

This is your final offer

We won’t wait any longer

Your head is getting hotter

Not long ’till you’re a goner

You only have to holler

For just a couple dollars

This is our last offer

We are the toad doctors

Got a cold? Take this toad

Pay us back in liquid gold

Wait a week, and then behold

You might live to thirty years old

Throat is clogged? Take a frog

Screwed up eye? Don’t be shy

Toad doctors will fight that curse

And pray that we don’t make it worse

They’ve got a kind of magic

We cannot explain

You may think we’re jesting

But this is not in vain

Science is alive

We have beckoned

As long as you pay us

By the second, oh!

This is your final offer

We won’t wait any longer

And it would be an honor

Unless you live in squalor

You only have to holler

For just a couple dollars

This is our last offer

We are the toad doctors

Hey!

Hey!

Toad doctors

We are the

Toad doctors